Tuesday, September 24, 2013

So many things

Ay. Ay. Ay.

It's been a while, huh? My life is so full of reading logs and essays to grade that I barely have time to sit down. Forget about time for reflection and writing. People keep asking how we're adjusting to life in the States, and I don't know what to tell them. I haven't really had time to think about how we're actually doing. We've just been going, going, going. Thankfully that feeling of just barely keeping my head above water is slowly fading. Or maybe I'm just getting used to all the hustle and bustle of life in the U.S.


In other news, Isaac turns one year old today. But not until 9:25 pm. I still have a baby for a few more hours. It seems unreal to think about this day last year. I was certain I would be pregnant for another week. Then, BAM, my water broke. Three hours later we were holding our precious little boy. I remember the euphoria of those first few hours with Isaac. We couldn't take our eyes off of him.

Now, we can't take our eyes off of him either, but that's because he'll get into the toilet if we don't watch him like a hawk. Ha! He keeps us on our toes for sure.

A few weeks ago I drove through a part of town I haven't been in for a looonnnggg time. Honestly, I wanted to close my eyes to avoid seeing the run down, rotting apartment buildings and the barred windows of the cash advance business on the corner. I thought about locking my doors (you know, because some thugs might have wanted to jump in my car while I was at a red light), and I also considered trying to find an alternate route that would allow me to avoid the adversity and despair of the inner city. 

How easily I forget that my subdivision, I-don't-have-to-fight-for-anything  life is not the reality that so many people live in. Four months ago I saw the faces of poverty every day, and embraced them. A few months of living surrounded by privilege and suddenly I'd rather ignore the injustice in my own backyard.

I disgust myself.

It's been difficult for me to transition from "official" missionary work--where every activity and day has purpose--to just another average Joe. I'm thankful for a job where I can impact the lives of others, but right now it just feels like a job. Making a difference in my co-workers' and students' lives is secondary to teaching the curriculum and keeping up with paperwork. When I really think about it, I know I haven't really left the "mission field." But most days I don't really feel like I am being used by God.